There are two kinds of people in this country: people who have never heard of “Den of Thieves,” and dads. Mention this film to your nearest dad, and he’ll begin spontaneously nodding. “Oh yeah, f—king ‘Den of Thieves,’ baby. That movie rocks.” Mention that a sequel to it opened Jan. 10 — replete with the extremely metal name “Den of Thieves: Pantera” — to that same dad, and one second later, he’ll be tearing out of his driveway in his Toyota Sienna to get to the nearest movie theater.
I am one such dad. The second that news of the film’s production broke, I began making tacit plans for opening day. I would see the film. In the theater. By myself. I would also eat a Cinnabon beforehand. You know, for energy. Check, check, check and check. I saw the movie, and now I must report my findings to any dad movie aficionados who haven’t purchased a ticket yet. Oh yes, it’s time to subject yet another new release to my patented Dad Movie Test. Did “Pantera” ace my exam, or did writer/director Christian Gudegast oversleep for it? Let’s find out!
I have no idea what the above two paragraphs are saying. What is this “Den of Thieves” nonsense?
The simplest way to describe the original “Den of Thieves” is to simply call it “Dumb Heat,” as my friend David Roth does. Gudegast’s crime saga is almost a note-for-note ripoff of Michael Mann’s definitive 1995 heist film, only with more affordable actors. Last time around, we had master thief Ray Merrimen (Pablo Schreiber) matching wits (term used generously) with dirtbag cop Big Nick O’Brien (Gerard Butler). Merrimen and his crew (including 50 Cent and O’Shea Jackson Jr., whom you will recognize as Ice Cube’s kid) set out to break into the Federal Reserve building in Los Angeles to steal $30 million in bills that had been removed from circulation. Big Nick, who has more divorced dad energy than all of 2025 Twitter, tries to stop him. Many heist set pieces and freeway shootouts ensue. It kicks major ass.
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Then, at the very end, the $30 million goes missing, and we find out that Donnie Wilson (Ice Cube Jr.) was the REAL mastermind behind everything. And he didn’t even have to use his AK. For him, it was a good day.
Oh, so the new movie just gives you more of that?
That was what I was hoping for, yes.
Sounds like you were disappointed.
A touch.
Why? Does “Pantera” open with a kick-ass heist sequence?
Yes.
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Are the robbers wearing super cool tactical masks while they’re doing the job?
Yes.
Do they plan an even bigger robbery for later in the movie?
Yes.
Is there a fun, expository sequence where the gang leader spreads out the heist plans on a drafting table?
Yes.
Do you get sick aerial shots of far-flung locations?
Yes.
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Are there action-movie shenanigans that take place in an elevator shaft?
Oh, you know there’s an elevator shaft.
O’Shea Jackson Jr. as Donnie Wilson in “Den of Thieves 2: Pantera.”
Rico Torres / Lionsgate
So what’s your problem, tight-ass?
The problem is that you have to wait a lonnnnnnng time between that opening set piece and the second heist that defines the film. Gudegast stretches “Pantera” out to two hours and 24 minutes in length, larding the middle hour with pointless banter and overlong plot setup. I’m here for the guns, the money and the cars. Not all of this other crap.
Didn’t the first movie also slow-roll its way to a climax?
It did, but all of that setup was bolstered by the presence of Schreiber, who carried every scene he was in using only his eyes and his many bulging muscles. Merrimen was given very little in the way of dialogue, which is how movies like this should go. The problem is that Schreiber’s character dies at the end of it (apologies for the spoiler, but you had to kinda know that would happen, right?), leaving Butler and Jackson to carry this second movie by themselves.
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Is that a problem?
Yup. Jackson is a passable actor, but he’s nowhere near Schreiber’s level. As for Butler, his Big Nick was easily the weakest part of the first film, cracking lousy jokes and doing lots of tired bad cop s—t. Now you get even MORE of him — and without any of his lieutenants around to help carry scenes, to spout way too much dialogue and bitch about French food.
Did you say French food?
Yeah, that’s the other thing. Since the first “Den of Thieves” made such a hefty profit, Gudegast got enough of a production budget this time around to take his story international. So the bulk of “Pantera” takes place on the southern coast of France. And while most seasoned travelers know that Nice has its drawbacks, I’m not cheering for a dude who willfully mispronounces “croissant” in 2025. No wonder your wife left you, Big Nick.
Wait, isn’t Big Nick just a random LA cop?
Yes, but they movie their way into giving him double secret international jurisdiction for the sequel. A reverse “Beverly Hills Cop” of sorts. Besides, Big Nick isn’t in France to practice law enforcement anyway.
What do you mean?
Big Nick is broke and disillusioned, so instead of hunting down Donnie Wilson (now the front-facing ringleader of the heist), he asks for a spot on his crew to help it rob the subtly named World Diamond Center. Donnie, being the criminal mastermind that he is, lets him.
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Oh, so they become pals?
Right. Instead of “Dumb Heat,” you get “Dumber Fast Five,” with gratuitous international sets and buddy movie banter that only Ludacris would find amusing. They don’t even set these bonding scenes in a strip club. Annoying.
Gerard Butler as “Big Nick” O’Brien in “Den of Thieves 2: Pantera.”
Rico Torres / Lionsgate
Then who’s the villain here?
A handful of faceless Serbs and Sicilians, all of whom are competing with Willie and Nick for the loot. None of these randos match the screen presence of Schreiber, who’s gonna have to come back for a prequel if they make a third movie in this little epic. For a movie like this to work, you need two strong counterpoints: cop and robber, bad guy and good guy, blah blah blah. But Gudegast tries to make the character dynamics much more elaborate, which renders them either impenetrable or, more often, just plain uninteresting. He also makes a critical error in taking the story out of Los Angeles.
Why?
Because LA is f—king awesome, especially for crime movies. I know that Gudegast is shooting for an homage to John Frankenheimer’s “Ronin” by setting “Pantera” on the Riviera (“Ronin” is even used as a code name in the opening scenes), but he’s not good enough to pull it off. I never felt like there was a reason to set this film in Nice other than to set it in Nice.
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More important, this is the kind of story that HAS to be set in LA. That city has everything you need for a perfect crime movie: money, sunshine, abandoned garages, zillions of dirty side streets and endless stretches of freeway. There’s a reason many of the greatest crime stories ever made are set there. If you’re like me, you can list these movies right off the top of your head. “Chinatown.” “Manhunter.” “To Live and Die in LA.” “Heat.” “LA Confidential.” Even the cool part of “Beverly Hills Cop II.” Los Angeles is gorgeous and seedy in equal measure, just like a well-executed bank job.
And frankly, I love LA in general. Especially this week, as so much of it has burned to the ground. The original “Den of Thieves” was shot primarily in Atlanta, but it included more than enough exterior shots of LA to put me back there. I wanted to go back again this time. I didn’t get that chance. Instead, I got Ice Cube’s kid testing out a Botswana accent. It just wasn’t the same, not even if the final heist/chase sequence gave me a few kicks.
Do they play any Pantera songs in this movie?
No. Another mark against it.
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So does “Den of Thieves 2: Pantera” pass the Dad Movie Test?
No. It’s nowhere near as good as the first one, and too bloated to merit a trip to the theater. I wish I had better results for you, but it is what it is. I love you forever, LA. Stay safe.